Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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