My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
