she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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