My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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