I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
