Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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