and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
