i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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