It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
