I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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