I wish I only lived at night.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
