dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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