Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
