I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
