so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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