Who did Billy Mays play for?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
