i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
