Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
