he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
