people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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