He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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