i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
