there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
