The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
