Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
