His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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