Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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