Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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