The brown eye won't let me do that either.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
