having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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