A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
