i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
