omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
