fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
