My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
