we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
