I faked an abortion last night.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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