My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
