Quick, to the slutcave!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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