Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
