You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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