my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just found puke in my bra..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
