i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
