Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
