Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
