Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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