tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
