Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
