Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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