one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think people are normalizing furries
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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