Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Come on in and take your pants off
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
